.... is different from moving on.
Moving on implies forgetting what is past.
Moving forward is more difficult. It involves carrying the past with you while you walk forward one step at a time. Never forgetting, but continuing to breathe and live.
Some days I can accomplish this.
Some days I can't.
Some days the past feels too heavy to carry with me.
But I'm getting there.
I'm not gonna lie .... the 2nd year anniversary was hard.
I really, really didn't want to get out of bed.
I was supposed to play tennis but had a good friend that stepped in for me when I called to say I couldn't.
Instead I went with another friend to see a movie.
It seemed that I was more in the mood to escape from reality for a few hours.
And the movie did the job.
For a few hours.
But ..... the date is gone and I survived.
I am now well past that date of two years. Who would've thought?
Not me.
No way.
There were many days when I really didn't think I'd survive the week, let alone the months and years.
But here I am .... still breathing. Still walking.
Most days.
I am blessed.
I am thankful.
Most days.
I am thought of.
I am loved.
Every day.
And I thank God for the rest of you out there, those I've met and those I have yet to meet, who are with me on this road.
I thank Him for the way we all support each other and the way we "get it" .... with words, or just with hugs (real & virtual).
I cannot imagine having to walk this road alone.
Thank you .... each one of you .... for encouraging others through your pain.
It's quite an amazing community.
:)
I try to remember to defer to the "forward" as opposed to the "on", but honestly, it's just a word game to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am beginning to wonder just what is meant when the talk turns to those who "get it" and those who "don't" because even though I was widowed - there are a lot of things about the state of being that is "widowhood" and the so-called process of grieving that simply never made sense to me or was part of my reality.
That said, moving - however you want to term it, on or foward, is hard regardless of why we are pushed to do it.
This explains it all perfectly!! As you thank us, I thank you for continuing to write honestly, through the pain. HUGS AND LOVE!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to a fellow widster about this the other day, how thankful I am that there are people who "get it" when no one else can. I haven't met many widsters in my short journey as of yet, but it seems all those I have we have this instant connection and for that I am sooo grateful. Very well put and definitely gives me hope that I, too, can continue on even passed the two year mark some day. HUGE HUGS!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! I lost my husband suddenly on 3/8/2010 after 28 yrs of marriage. I live everyday wondering if I will survive. Thank you for giving us the gift of hope.
ReplyDeleteWe all do survive somehow. I think about how my husband would want me to live and I try to remember that when I get particularly down. I lost him suddenly after being married 35 years. It is so lonely at times and I am coming up on the 2nd anniversary of his death. I am thankful for all my friends and people who have kept him in their hearts and we remember him all the time. It is a hard road and I do not know yet where it will lead me.
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